"50 percent of all American marriages end up with divorce." What does this mean to you? For most kids, it means spending one weekend with mom and the next with dad. To other children it could mean spending your nights hearing your parents fighting while sitting in bed at night alone and scared. Divorce is messy, angry and can leave a lasting impression on the child that leaves them feeling insecure and emotionally unstable even into their adult years. Children from divorced families are more likely to suffer from physical, mental and financial problems throughout their adult life. In 2002 a study of divorce rates in the world left the United States in one of the lead spots with a divorce rate of 45.8%. Sweden was the highest with a divorce rate of 54.9%, while India remained the lowest with 1.1%. [www.divorcemag.com]
Divorce is a decision to separate from your significant other. It seems simple doesn't it? A person makes a mistake and expects to be able to press the reset button. The "redo" button if you will. But, when exactly did this "redo" button become so actively available for people? In America, one of many peoples life goals is to marry the first person that they fall in love with, skip away to get married and to live happily ever after. Why then would a seemingly happy couple decide to end their marriage in such a negative fashion? One of the main causes of divorce is lack of communication. A lack of communication between two people makes it difficult if not impossible to deal with problems in the home. Because our generation is so dependent on instant gratification (email, cell phones, and instant chat messengers) we simply do not understand or have the necessary life skills to just be patient. People are not willing to try and fix what they start and so they want to rid themselves of the problem. Out with the old and in with the new, as the age old phrase goes. Patience and communication go hand in hand. A person must be able to have patience with not only themselves but with their partner to succeed in a marriage.
In current times, marriage is becoming more and more like a game to most people. With the popular celebrity marriage breakups lasting between 48 hours and 6 months, it's hard to maintain a solidified idea of what it means to truly agree to "Until death do us part." The marriage vows repeated are real. As stated in the Christian vows:
"Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, For where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me."
These words spoken are sacred. These are the words spoken aloud to not only express your undying love for your partner, but to also bind you forever to that person you choose. The key word here being, who you choose. Could another reason for the faltering marriages now days are that people are just not choosing their partners well enough? Society's culture is becoming looser with their standards. Sex, which used to be held with such high regards, is now common and free. Lust is another disguise that motivates people to who they choose. Lust for one another is bound to make people do crazy and regrettable actions. Crazy enough as to marry a person you hardly know. Popular country singer, Carrie Underwood clearly states the problem of lust and self control with her hit new song, "Last Name". The song talks about how she mistakenly married a man she hardly knew after meeting him in a club.
"And I don't even know his last name
Oh, my mama would be so ashamed
It started off "Hey cutie, where ya from?"
And then it turned into
"Oh no, what have I done?"
And I don't even know his last name"
The common case among teenagers is "If the celebrities are doing it, why can't I?" Why can't they get married when ever they feel like it and then get a divorce? Marriage is a sacred and special bond. It is not meant to be broken. The problems that come up with marriage are stepping stones that are meant to help create a special bond that grows stronger time. If you give away what you have so quickly, you will never see the true value of what you have.
In America alone, over one million children have divorced parents. During this year, more than half the children born will have parents that will be divorced before the child turns 18. Divorce doesn't just affect the man and the women; it affects the children as well. The effects of a messy divorce spread like wild fire throughout the home destroying everything it touches. However, what the parents don't realize is that in the pieces of a break up are left the children who blame themselves. Children whose parents are divorced are more likely to exhibit health, behavioral and emotional problems. They are more frequently involved in drugs and crime and have higher suicide rates. In education, parental divorce children are seen to have a harder time with spelling and math and are more likely to see lower grades throughout their schooling careers. Even religious worship is affected. Religion, which has been linked to better health and longer marriages, takes a serious decline in the children whose parents have been divorced. Children are left in the dust and often forgotten when it comes to the emotional strains of divorce. They are usually left in the parental position after the divorce because the adults in the home are left incapacitated. It creates an emotional rollercoaster for the child and leaves doubts in their mind as to what true love really is. As a person considering marriage in your future, try to consider more than just your self. Though you may not have children now, try to think of their welfare before you marry too soon. Are you willing to risk their emotional and mental stability for your lustful passion?
As a teenager myself, more than half of my friends or at least the kids I know have divorced parents. Though it is common these days, to have divorced parents, it still creates a feeling of alienation and loneliness among peers. I asked my friends recently, how many had divorce parents. Out of four who answered, three had parents who had been spilt up.
"I thought I was the weird kid with the divorced parents until I realized that most of the people I chat with at lunch have divorced parents."
I myself am a child of divorced parents. Though my mother has done everything she possibly could to raise me in a warm and loving home, I have still always dealt with the fact that I don't live with both my parents. It doesn't seem so bad anymore, as I look at the other problems I could be dealing with, but it does hurt. It leaves a feeling of abandonment in your heart that as far as I know will never leave your heart.
Restoring the importance of marriage into the generations to come will take work from every body. Politicians, movie stars, teachers and family must all come together to install the gratitude of a happy and successful marriage. Patience, love and dedication are all needed to be taught to the children of today so that they may apply those same skills in their futures. Communication must also be sought out. Life needs to slow down. Think before you act. Make sure that before you say "I do" you can also talk to your potential partner about the importance of understanding and tolerating of each other. Man is not perfect. We will never be, nor have we ever been. Though our imperfections are abundantly clear we can still try…Try to listen and learn to love. That is the only way we will ever grow and adapt to the fast paced world ahead of us.
Though divorce can never be solved completely, I believe that it truly should be considered as a last resort. Before we run away, men and women need to come together and realize that they can get through all the little problems they are faced with, if they just talk to each other about what they feel is right. Take some time out of your busy schedule. It won't kill you. Sit down and talk to your wife about how her day was. Simple and effective. Simplicity is a virtue that we should hold dear to our hearts, as is patience, tolerance and understanding. They create happiness in our hearts which leads to a love that can withstand anything it's put against. That's the whole point of marriage, isn't it?
-Kathrine Nelson